This is an interesting
blog from one of my links. I want to laugh my head off to all those who said that we don't need men to live. In reality, we do. To what extent? I don't know. This totally contradicts my first blog. Sorry but my belief has changed. Typical woman ...me, right?
Read this and laugh.
***
Late on a weekday night, I found myself at my friend’s elegant New York apartment enjoying a cup of herbal tea after an utterly uninteresting night out. We’ll call my friend Rio because his background includes a decade long stay in Brazil, as well residence in several other South American countries. As we sunk into the sofa listening to Portuguese love songs we got to discussing (surprise surprise) the enigma that is male-female relationships.
“Describe sexy,” he prompted me.
I went on to pause, gather my thoughts and illustrate sexy as:
“Confident, independent, and strong.”
“Interesting,” he replied. “Because I’d describe sexy as vulnerable, dependant and warm.”
Thus ensued a conversation in which we dissected our theories about the difference between Italo-Latin and American love.
In a nutshell, Rio made the point that Brazilian woman are experts at being feminine – they’re used to relying on men. They constantly ask men to do things for them with the charm of a child and males relish in attending to their every need since it makes men feel ‘like the shit.’ Interesting, right? Because as girls growing up in America the mantra is that we can do everything ourselves, should strive for utter independence, and never rely on men for anything. Ever. To which Rio responded:
“You’re never going to keep a man like that. Okay, you’re never going to keep a Latin man like that. Men stick with the woman who makes him feel like he’s ‘the man.’ He wants you to ask him to do things for you.”
“Wouldn't I be bothering him?”
“Are you kidding? If he loves you and can fulfill your needs that’ll be the high point of his day. That’s the feeling he’s going to crave and come back for: Validation of his worth.”
Me: “I guess that does explain why so many guys I like end up with stupid, silent, needy lapdog girlfriends.”
Rio: “Those girls aren’t as stupid as they look. They’ve learned to use their feminine vulnerability to keep men. Again, if I want someone independent who didn’t need me I could hang out with my co-workers. That isn’t what male-female relationships are about.”
“But don’t you want a best friend? An equal?”
“Best friend, yes. An equal…”
“OMG this so wrong.”
“No, no, no. You’re misunderstanding. Yes, an equal. But American women often seem so busy proving their independence that they miss out on the whole tango of love that’s about how men and women fundamentally need each other.”
“You just said ‘tango,’ didn’t you?”
“Why would I be interested in a woman who doesn’t need me?”
“I thought men liked the unattainable. That they like to chase things.”
“True. But once he’s got you, he doesn’t want to hear about other guys and how ‘independent’ of a superwoman you are.”
“So basically I gotta get vulnerable, when my life mission since puberty has been to never appear vulnerable.”
“Yeah. And get feminine.”
I gesture to my outfit, “I am feminine!”
“You look feminine. But you don’t act it. You’re so guarded.”
“Because men are assholes!”
“You came in here and just made yourself your own tea. You never even asked me if I wanted some.”
“You were in the other room. And since when do non-British guys like tea?”
“Being feminine means focusing on the five senses. Scent, smell, touch. Slow down! Enjoy life. Be caring like a mother, innocent and playful like a little girl.”
“Gross." I stop to think, "I have no idea how to do that.”
“Americans get divorced cause they got it all wrong. Women are meant to be feminine. Embrace it. Use it in your work life too. You’ll get ahead and manipulate men even better. Doesn’t mean you aren’t smart.”
“Does this femininity project mean I can’t talk and make jokes? I mean, that’s a big part of my personality. I verbally run a mile a second.”
“Of course, be yourself. Although at least at the beginning, with women, less is more.”
“I can’t believe I’m hearing this.”
“You act the way you do right now and go to where you’re going on Brasil, not one guy is going to talk to you.”
“That would be tragic.”
“Cater. Ask him to do things for you. Play along. If he loves you, he’ll feel great accomplishing your tasks. He doesn’t pull through, means he’s not into you. Men will slay lions for the woman they love. They won’t make dinner reservations, but they’ll slay lions.”
“Okay. Let’s try: Rio, will you drive me to JFK when I leave next Monday?”
Rio: “Absolutely fucking not.”
Off my twisted face –
“The asking to do stuff doesn’t include airport transfers.”
Me: “Huh. Good to know.”
Yet another theory to stuff in my carry on.
Those who want to learn more should be directed to the simultaniously ingenious and ridiculous concept of wikiHow which actually has an article about how to be feminine. I'd be lying if I said I didn't skim it.
***
When you're done, you may secretly look at the wikiHow on being feminine. Just an after thought. See how thoughful I am.
Take care of your hair and make sure it smells good. It's okay if your hair is slightly frizzy or imperfect, as long as it is not stringy and/or greasy. Also, try to keep your hair out of your face.
Wear only as much makeup as you need.
Always have powder handy wherever you go. Keep make-up minimal. You decide how much, but too much isn't very attractive. Many may view you as insecure and in reality not very beautiful if you wear too much to cover up. If you use more then 10 minutes in front of the mirror, you should think about toning it down.
Wear neat but conservative clothes. Really short skirts come across as slutty, not feminine.
Don't be loud and obnoxious. This is a male trait and people believe you to be more masculine than you actually are.
Don't fish for compliments. Fishing is also a male trait. Remember, you are a woman. Be confident even if you aren't completely happy with yourself.
Be happy with yourself. Accept your body for what it is and others will love you.
Remove unattractive body hair. Wax your upper lip if necessary and tweeze your eyebrows. Shave your legs (all of them), arms, and back (if it needs it). Hair is disgusting.
Meryl's comment: Uh-oh!!!
Be confident and happy. Nothing is more beautiful than a smiling woman. Just keep your lips together, if you don't like your teeth.
Try not to use profanities. We all do it , but if you could make a sailor blush with your mouth and not your looks, you should think about toning it down.
Be aware of your posture. Chin up high, back straight and thoughts positive.
Be smart. Most people like smart women who are able to have a discussion about something.
Don't make yourself dumb. But also don't be a know-it-all. Accept if a man is right, especially if you like him.
TipsFollow these steps, but don't try to be someone you're not! Unless you are hairy, in which case you should probably change a little.
If you have talents such as ballet, cheerleading, cooking rice, etc., try and make it known without bragging.
Shower daily, wash your face twice a day, brush and floss your teeth twice a day, and use deodorant!
Be organized and neat with your things. This is a feminine trait (have you noticed that all men are sloppy?) Having a pigsty of a dorm/apartment/house has never been girly.
Meryl's comment: Uh--oh!
Confidence isn't about using a bold tone of voice or always appearing happy and solid. To be genuine, confidence must be about knowing yourself really well and being brave enough to be yourself in public without being pushy, defensive, or embarrassed. It takes a long time. But stick in there, girlfriend.
Another important point is that you should love yourself, just the way you are.
I take back that last point. Be the change you want to see in your life.
***
Baby Bowman at 13 weeks!
with the Best Men
Bridal Party
Nephews
with Parents
at last!
Petal Toss
Cake Slicing
Finally, the wedding is over and everything went well. It was almost a year of preparation, a month of being with family from Scotland and the Philippines, a week of people from all over the States, and a lifetime of memories. The wedding was wonderful.
Who want's to be a Stepford Wife?
